Bachelorette

bachelorette

This is one of those movies that when you’re done with it, it makes you wonder what exactly you were really supposed to take away from it. I’m not going to lie, I also felt this way when reading a Pinkalicious book recently. And what further these things have in common is they’re both about horrible girls being horrible.

Bachelorette is about four friends who seem to, at heart, genuinely like each other, but I don’t really know why. Kirsten Dunst is the bitchy, über-type A, bulimic stick-in-the-mud who spends the whole film screeching at whomever she can, but managing to pull everything together because anything else would be unacceptable. Isla Fisher is a slutty, suicidal idiot who admits she doesn’t understand anything anyone is saying around her and gets so wasted she passes out on a regular basis. Lizzy Caplan is a hot mess coke head who’s still hung up on her high school boyfriend ten years later. The only functional one is the Justin Bartha of the piece, the bride, Rebel Wilson, but she’s still friends with the mean girls who called her Pigface behind her back in high school. However, she eats like a normal person, doesn’t have any drug problems and is in a functional relationship with a lovely guy. But she’s clearly the Peter Pettigrew of the group, only this group would have all been Death Eaters and she would have defected to the good guys.

I think perhaps it’s harder than people expect to write a story about mean girls with any sort of balance, and somehow this one has come out the other end with just the worst people you could possibly imagine.

Thankfully, the men of the piece don’t fair much better here, as the girls find their counterparts in supreme douchebag James Marsden, insecure Kyle Boehmer and equally hung up Adam Scott. Actually, false, the men are, on the whole, less terrible people, but that’s not saying much. Adam Scott manages to deliver a more awkward romantic-gesture speech than the one he gave in Friends With Kids, this one actually detailing how he put his penis into her vagina repeatedly, in front of the entire wedding. James Marsden’s character truly is a terrible human being, worse than the girls perhaps, and what does it get him? Laid, twice, and with Kirsten Dunst’s phone number in the end. Which is just true to life, I suspect, so I can’t be mad, really.

However, I will say this movie was never boring. And maybe I had just napped enough today but I didn’t fall asleep once. Also, Kirsten Dunst is best when she’s playing horrible, so this was really like the greatest thing she’s done since Interview with the Vampire. But I would just stick to watching Bridesmaids for now and hope that all of these people will be doing better things soon.

sleepingpants2small sleepingpants2small sleepingpants2small sleepingpants2small sleepingpants2small
0/5 Sleeping Pants

 

 

 

 

 

Life of Pi

So my mother apparently adored this movie, so for Mother’s Day my brother and I agreed to watch it with her. And Lucas came away loving it too and I came away with absolutely no idea what happened in the movie at all.

Granted, we’d gone swimming earlier and I’d fallen asleep in the car, came in, ate some food and then we watched this movie, but I think it still would have been a hard one for me to stay awake through regardless.

So here’s what I remember:

Rafe Spall was also in Shaun of the Dead and has since gotten much more attractive.

Rafe Spall was also in Shaun of the Dead and has since gotten much more attractive.

Opening credits. And we’re lucky I didn’t already fall asleep here, cause it’s a slow-ass montage of the animals in the zoo.

Then we come to older Pi talking Timothy Spall’s son and telling him the story of how he was named after a swimming pool and eventually nicknamed himself, which is I’m sure against the rules of nicknames, but you’ve got to do what you have to do to get by.

I vaguely remember something about the storm? Anyway, then Pi’s on a dinghy with other animals! Who all get promptly killed by the tiger. Pi spends a lot of time in the water. Oh and the scene with the flying fish, which I’d already seen in some interview with Ang Lee.

Close-up on Pi’s face telling the story about his mother and how he ended up on the boat, which seemed radically different than what we saw happened.

The end.

Seriously, I've seen this scene like 5 times.

Seriously, I’ve seen this scene like 5 times.

I’m pretty sure I actually saw more of this movie than that, but now it’s been a couple of days and that’s literally all I remember. It’s not helped by the fact that huge portions have no dialogue, which will usually seep into my brain, even if I’m half-asleep and make it’s way into my dreams so my brain can pretend I’m still watching, even though my eyes are closed.

I’ll probably try and watch this again, but it may take me a couple of viewings in order to get through it, and I’m just not sure I care that much.

sleepingpants1smallsleepingpants1smallsleepingpants1smallsleepingpants1smallsleepingpants1small
5/5 Sleeping Pants